Mood: Comically Misunderstood
Topic: The way I am lol I wish I knew like the Who am I thing like Jonnell but no…this is just the way I am
S.o.C.: “Running out of Pain” by 12 Stones This is a Geimer song…
Man I’m weary…anyway…I’m misunderstood so much of the time…so few people really understand my actions. But really I think everyone is this way. Like how do I put it…basically my fights are my own any problem any dissatisfaction all of it is a burden I care almost by myself. Peter I consider an advisor so he knows all my indecisions and the like. Geimer is as odd as this may sound my Priest. And he watches my back like no one and he even has spies one me ::looks at Jonnell and Lisette:: Yes my priest. Those two boys truly understand the workings of my mind. Which is scary. Others have tried and failed and some are still trying.
Those that are still trying are like Jonnell and Lisette, but I don’t see them cracking my code of I can help you but you can’t help me. See let me explain why you guys are not getting in as of now. I know neither of you lack devotion or spirit. Jonnell would wind up on a cross for me and Lisette is an open shelter but…they are my load I’m not theirs….how do I put it...the simplest way to put it is that I’m their friend but they aren’t mine(like they can disown me and it;s all good I mean like they just aren't allowed to help me)…but that’s wrong too. Like hmm Ahh how do I say it!!! They just aren’t allowed. Like if they are around I will forever worry about their welfare before my own and there are times when I must focus on myself because I need some maintenance but I can’t do it with them around. I have so many faults.
Another way I’m taken wrong is the whole I have a sense about people thing…like when people are trouble or when they’re troubled or take for instance how a person will react in a situation. Like the time Jonnell was wondering how someone would react to something she needed to tell them. In the end I had the end product peg(weird huh?) And then there are those times when I’m so off it’s sad. Like the new guy that showed up once and me and Jonnell being the loving souls we are decided to try and help him around but he was too busy oggeling at Tiffani. Then later at lunch that day he had the nerve to insult my chest size talking about some boy your awfully small…and then he wanted to sit next to me on the bus…riiight that sure wasn’t going to happen. Then I can be bad too. Like this one guy that went out with the hoe and hangs out with the jerks is actually a nice guy…which I find out after my friend makes me talk to him…because I wasn’t going to talk to him surrounded by evil people BUT YES!!!
Then again I have a lot of malfunctions…like the fact that I want someone to “fix” me…which to me means someone…kill the fucking perpetual paranoia please…but I’m the only one that can do that huh? I don’t know…I’m messed up in a lot of ways. Like I can’t take complements, I can’t take help(oh God You have to like Restrain me) which reminds me of this one time that Lisette bought me something and she wouldn’t take the money for it so I snuck it into her purse hehe I don’t know if she ever found it I hope she did. I can’t take apologizes very well either…you notice these are things normal human beings do easily…
::installs a comment box for Lisette—sorry it took so long I kept trying to find the code for your old on but it kept running away from me. The links are green for some reason but the color code is for grey…I’ll fix it soon::
What do I do easily…um help people? I don’t know I’m working on it guys I’m working on it because I know the song guys I know every single one of you are tired of the way I act when it comes to when something bothers me. Some of you poor poor poor people have been putting up with this…I don’t need your help attitude for almost three years now(Peter and Geimer) and I am so so sorry that I do this it’s just…I don’t know a defensive mechanism okay…you know. ::sigh:: I’m working on it…I really am…I just ahh I’m trying I can’t offer anything else…I got good attributes someone remind me what they are again haha…Man…I’m not in a bad mood just a dissatisfied one…
That’s another thing—I never get mad at other people I just get angry at the circumstance...I only get actually angry at myself...and my parents...and brother I think...I'll get upset and moody sure...but certain friends of mine ::cough cough:: don't tell me things for fear of an angry reaction. Usually my frusteration at a situation(mostly the fact that I can't do anything ) is mistaken for anger at the person...nope I can honestly say I've never been angry at unsaid people for telling or not telling me things...just frusterated at the situation....
Okay I've gone on long enough about myself.
Well my poem kinda fell under the bowling entry but that's okay because some people found it and read it hehe.
Games offered the heaviest analysis. Which at some points I nodded and at others I went "....how...well I guess you could take it that way...that's not what I meant...but hey if it works take it as you will." so another Games in his infinate wisdom corner!
"To me it seems to speak of somone cradling and letting all your defenses down and embrace a safe haven in your bed to have someone share your bed with so you won't feel lonely in such a desolet place. To recuperate in a warm shroud of love and devotion as you travel through life and wares away at you like waves agasint the mountains listening to the
heartbeat of the other and know that someones life has been devoted to your comfort. Of course i could be just pouting a load of non-sense but to me thats as it appears.
Also there seems to be a sexual undertone to some it not like raunchy stuff but i mean feeling there smiles across their lips and to lay your with them in your bed exhausted and enjoy the sound of their beating hearts. I don't know it seems to have a slightly romantic/erotic thing to it. "
Erotic...I'm so proud!!! My work is being written about like an Anne Rice novel oh the joy. haha but seriously...that didn't cross my mind when I wrote it. But I did see where that may have sprung from.... Oh well anyway this blog entry was longer than I meant it to be(I wrote it in chunks throughout the day this is my form of thearopy lol) So yeah just one last few things.
Junior--I got a secret and I'm not going to tell you!
Geimer--HAHAH he knows the secret(but he's not going to tell you Jun he promised not to!)
Peter--Did you get my e-mail
Lisette--TAKE IT DOWN PLEASE I beg you for the third time!!
Jonnell--Thank you for the e-mail! And i'll change your inside part of you site to your new site if you want me to
Okay I think I'm done...I think....
Bye
Kim
Topic: The way I am lol I wish I knew like the Who am I thing like Jonnell but no…this is just the way I am
S.o.C.: “Running out of Pain” by 12 Stones This is a Geimer song…
Man I’m weary…anyway…I’m misunderstood so much of the time…so few people really understand my actions. But really I think everyone is this way. Like how do I put it…basically my fights are my own any problem any dissatisfaction all of it is a burden I care almost by myself. Peter I consider an advisor so he knows all my indecisions and the like. Geimer is as odd as this may sound my Priest. And he watches my back like no one and he even has spies one me ::looks at Jonnell and Lisette:: Yes my priest. Those two boys truly understand the workings of my mind. Which is scary. Others have tried and failed and some are still trying.
Those that are still trying are like Jonnell and Lisette, but I don’t see them cracking my code of I can help you but you can’t help me. See let me explain why you guys are not getting in as of now. I know neither of you lack devotion or spirit. Jonnell would wind up on a cross for me and Lisette is an open shelter but…they are my load I’m not theirs….how do I put it...the simplest way to put it is that I’m their friend but they aren’t mine(like they can disown me and it;s all good I mean like they just aren't allowed to help me)…but that’s wrong too. Like hmm Ahh how do I say it!!! They just aren’t allowed. Like if they are around I will forever worry about their welfare before my own and there are times when I must focus on myself because I need some maintenance but I can’t do it with them around. I have so many faults.
Another way I’m taken wrong is the whole I have a sense about people thing…like when people are trouble or when they’re troubled or take for instance how a person will react in a situation. Like the time Jonnell was wondering how someone would react to something she needed to tell them. In the end I had the end product peg(weird huh?) And then there are those times when I’m so off it’s sad. Like the new guy that showed up once and me and Jonnell being the loving souls we are decided to try and help him around but he was too busy oggeling at Tiffani. Then later at lunch that day he had the nerve to insult my chest size talking about some boy your awfully small…and then he wanted to sit next to me on the bus…riiight that sure wasn’t going to happen. Then I can be bad too. Like this one guy that went out with the hoe and hangs out with the jerks is actually a nice guy…which I find out after my friend makes me talk to him…because I wasn’t going to talk to him surrounded by evil people BUT YES!!!
Then again I have a lot of malfunctions…like the fact that I want someone to “fix” me…which to me means someone…kill the fucking perpetual paranoia please…but I’m the only one that can do that huh? I don’t know…I’m messed up in a lot of ways. Like I can’t take complements, I can’t take help(oh God You have to like Restrain me) which reminds me of this one time that Lisette bought me something and she wouldn’t take the money for it so I snuck it into her purse hehe I don’t know if she ever found it I hope she did. I can’t take apologizes very well either…you notice these are things normal human beings do easily…
::installs a comment box for Lisette—sorry it took so long I kept trying to find the code for your old on but it kept running away from me. The links are green for some reason but the color code is for grey…I’ll fix it soon::
What do I do easily…um help people? I don’t know I’m working on it guys I’m working on it because I know the song guys I know every single one of you are tired of the way I act when it comes to when something bothers me. Some of you poor poor poor people have been putting up with this…I don’t need your help attitude for almost three years now(Peter and Geimer) and I am so so sorry that I do this it’s just…I don’t know a defensive mechanism okay…you know. ::sigh:: I’m working on it…I really am…I just ahh I’m trying I can’t offer anything else…I got good attributes someone remind me what they are again haha…Man…I’m not in a bad mood just a dissatisfied one…
That’s another thing—I never get mad at other people I just get angry at the circumstance...I only get actually angry at myself...and my parents...and brother I think...I'll get upset and moody sure...but certain friends of mine ::cough cough:: don't tell me things for fear of an angry reaction. Usually my frusteration at a situation(mostly the fact that I can't do anything ) is mistaken for anger at the person...nope I can honestly say I've never been angry at unsaid people for telling or not telling me things...just frusterated at the situation....
Okay I've gone on long enough about myself.
Well my poem kinda fell under the bowling entry but that's okay because some people found it and read it hehe.
Games offered the heaviest analysis. Which at some points I nodded and at others I went "....how...well I guess you could take it that way...that's not what I meant...but hey if it works take it as you will." so another Games in his infinate wisdom corner!
"To me it seems to speak of somone cradling and letting all your defenses down and embrace a safe haven in your bed to have someone share your bed with so you won't feel lonely in such a desolet place. To recuperate in a warm shroud of love and devotion as you travel through life and wares away at you like waves agasint the mountains listening to the
heartbeat of the other and know that someones life has been devoted to your comfort. Of course i could be just pouting a load of non-sense but to me thats as it appears.
Also there seems to be a sexual undertone to some it not like raunchy stuff but i mean feeling there smiles across their lips and to lay your with them in your bed exhausted and enjoy the sound of their beating hearts. I don't know it seems to have a slightly romantic/erotic thing to it. "
Erotic...I'm so proud!!! My work is being written about like an Anne Rice novel oh the joy. haha but seriously...that didn't cross my mind when I wrote it. But I did see where that may have sprung from.... Oh well anyway this blog entry was longer than I meant it to be(I wrote it in chunks throughout the day this is my form of thearopy lol) So yeah just one last few things.
Junior--I got a secret and I'm not going to tell you!
Geimer--HAHAH he knows the secret(but he's not going to tell you Jun he promised not to!)
Peter--Did you get my e-mail
Lisette--TAKE IT DOWN PLEASE I beg you for the third time!!
Jonnell--Thank you for the e-mail! And i'll change your inside part of you site to your new site if you want me to
Okay I think I'm done...I think....
Bye
Kim
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